Sooooo, check it. My dumbass friends have been down at the Carnival. They say
that there are not one, that there are t-w-o full midgets in town for this year's Memorial Day death-trap that we affectionately like to refer to as the James H. Drew Carnival. Or the local so-called Mountain Festival.
When the Memorial Day weekend Mountain Festival, connives, two things habitually happen.
1a) more rain,
1b) even more rain,
2) and midgets
So my dumbass friends were down there, drunk, bamboozled and disturbing any and all manner of alleged peace yesterday evening/last night. (NO joke: this is an annual hazing MUST-DO 3o4 ritual in fact, you get hammered and go you F with the carnies and see what happens)
However, this year, they found not one, t-w-o midgets and apparently proceeded to totally lay the total verbal smack down on these two kan't dunk and yet otherwise innocent human beings. They told them that "The Midget Slayer" was coming to get them. And yes, we watch way too much Game of Thrones and use way too many GOT resets here in the 3o4 bar-season.
Since then one of my phones has filled up with messages (15o) which are of one of two sorts:
a) what are you gonna do to them -- when are you going fight them?!?
b) or............ they are gonna kill you -- we hope they kill you -- we told them all about you ha-ha-ha-ha!
Now that said, I am a semi-loyal Democrat, albeit a Truman Dem' so my second favorite color is glow-in-the-dark. Ergo, I do not discriminate. Not at all. I punch height-minorities just like I punch bigfeets, just like I punch stoopid Florida State fans who put my then post-National Championship game 70 year old father in a side-headlock leaving the Super Dome. Actually I stabbed that guy; though I digress. I have two gears. Full-speed or full-stop. Take that pick. Hopefully we don't go. As typically nobody really ever wins a fight. However, if we go, it's all you gots so you better make sure you bring enough.
And goodness gracious, I gotta confess it; just typing this out has brought my midget fighting itch back.
I ain't got no Gold Blond and this pint-sized itch needs to be scratched!
"De plane de plane" my ass.
I gots your rich-Corinthian leather right here...
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